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Entry tags:
Adaptation, Chapter Four
Title: Adaptation
Pairing: Bobby/Rogue, eventually Magneto/Rogue
Summary: When all she knows is destroyed, Rogue must learn to adapt or die trying.
Rating: T
Huge thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sionnain for Beta-ing and to omaetoy for being around to bother with my insanity.
“How can he do that?” Bobby whispered his voice tense.
Rogue cast a quick look towards him and shrugged. “I don’t know,” she replied, looking back at Mystique, who was walking only a few feet in front of them.
“We can’t stay here,” Bobby insisted. “He’s dangerous.”
“How are we going to leave?” Rogue asked, looking at him again. “We don’t even know where we are.”
“We can’t stay here,” Bobby repeated, shaking his head.
She looked away from him, sighing slightly, not seeing any other option they had but to stay. “If we manage to get out of wherever we are, where do you suggest we go?” she asked. “I know my family isn’t going to take us in. And I can’t see yours helping us out either.”
Silence fell between them and she quickly regretted her words. Bobby’s family was a sore subject, one that often sent him into small waves of depression. “Bobby, I’m sorry,” she told him, reaching her gloved hand out to comfort him.
“I’m fine,” he said, unconsciously moving away from her.
Rogue looked away from him, dropping her arms to her sides, trying not to feel bitter. My own boyfriend is unable to touch me without fear of being drained, but Magneto can do so at his leisure. She frowned and looked towards Mystique. My life sucks.
They entered a new hallway and Mystique stopped before a pair of doors. “Your rooms,” she informed them. “Iceman, yours is here. Rogue, yours is there.”
The two nodded. “For now, you’ll have to wear what we were able to scrounge together,” the older mutant continued.
Neither of them responded and Mystique raised an eyebrow. “It appears that not only was Xavier’s school unable to train you properly, they were unable to teach you manners as well,” she commented.
“Thanks,” the two of them muttered.
“I suggest you shower and change quickly,” Mystique informed them. “There will be a debriefing in thirty minutes.”
As she turned to leave, Rogue called out to her. “Where?”
“Pyro will be by to show you,” Mystique replied and left the two of them in the hallway.
Rogue and Bobby looked anxiously towards one another before stepping into their separate rooms. Neither of them was pleased with that information.
***
Exiting the shower, Rogue reached for the maroon towel and dried herself off. She wrapped it around herself and left the small bathroom, hissing at the cold metallic floor beneath her bare feet. So, you control metal. We get that, put in some carpets. She looked at the bed, taking note that her old clothes were gone. Sitting down on the bed, she touched the clothes she would be borrowing. A black wool sweater that was definitely too big for her and a pair of grey sweat pants that she suspected would be too long on her. She picked up the two pieces of clothing and bit her lip as a pair of socks fell down. That was all there was.
Hesitantly she stood, removed the towel from her body, and pulled on the sweatpants, rolling them over three times, grateful that they stopped sliding down and now rested snugly on her hips. She pulled the wool sweater on and tried to bunch up the sleeves, but after the third time they came undone, she gave up, slipping the socks on her feet instead. Sitting back down on the bed, she picked up the towel, and began to dry her hair with it before walking back to the bathroom and placing it on the rack to dry.
She turned to look in the mirror above the sink, one of her hands coming to touch a strand of her white hair, twirling it as she frowned. My constant reminder. She dropped her hands to grip the edge of the sink. Even the sink is made of metal.
Sighing, she exited the bathroom and yelped in surprise to see Magneto standing in her doorway. “I thought Pyro was coming to get us,” she said.
“He is,” Magneto replied and walked into the room, the doorway shutting with a loud click.
She watched him with cautious eyes, knowing she had no real defense against him, now that she knew he was unaffected by her power. Most of the room was made of metal besides the bedding, and she doubted throwing a pillow at him would have much effect. He stopped at the bed and placed a new pair of his gloves down on it.
“Rogue, there is no reason to fear me,” Magneto reiterated. “Have I done anything to make you suspect I mean to harm you?”
“The Statue of Liberty,” she started.
“Was a long time ago,” he interrupted. “You are fine.”
“No thanks to you,” she said, fists clenching at her sides.
“Oh?” he asked. “Where would you, Iceman, and the others be now if it hadn’t been for me?”
“And because you saved my life then, I should just forgive you for trying to kill me before,” Rogue asked with disbelief.
“A life for a life,” Magneto answered.
“You’re insane,” she said, shaking her head.
“Wear the gloves, Rogue,” he told her as the doors opened. Turning back, he gave her a piercing look. “You don’t want to see what happens if you disobey me, as insane as I am.”
She watched as the door clicked shut behind him. Bobby is right. He is dangerous.
***
Rogue hadn’t moved from her spot in the bathroom doorway since Magneto left. Her eyes were directed towards the pair of black gloves, his gloves. Gloves she knew had metal in them, which he could manipulate at his leisure. Carefully, she walked over to them, shaking her head at her apprehension. She sat on the bed and picked one of them up, inspecting them, trying to figure out where the metal was.
Ah ha! She ripped the bottom of the glove, pulling out the thin loop of metal. Picking up the other glove, she repeated the process and then put both of them on her hands. A wicked smile crossed her face as she looked at her hands. What am I going to do with these? She wondered, holding up the metal rings.
The door opened and she dropped her hands, smile vanishing. Pyro stood in the doorway, scowling at her. “Well, come on!” he demanded, though he didn’t have the air of authority that Magneto did.
Slowly, she stood and walked out of the room to join him in the hallway. “How are you doing, John?” Rogue asked.
“The name is Pyro,” he snapped and opened Bobby’s door. “Let’s go.”
Bobby exited the room, the same scowl on his face as his old friends. “How are you, Pyro?” she asked, emphasizing his name.
“Why do you care?” Pyro asked and started down the hallway.
“I was your friend once,” Rogue replied and looked over at Bobby. “We both were.”
“And you left us to die,” Bobby said, fists clenched as they walked. “Dr. Grey sacrificed her life to save us because you and your new friends took the helicopter.”
Rogue watched as Pyro’s steps faltered for a moment before he developed an aura of indifference around himself again. “You don’t even care, do you?” Bobby yelled, grabbing onto Pyro’s arm.
Pyro whirled around, knocking Bobby to the ground in a move reminiscent to something Rogue had seen Mystique use earlier. “You may not care if we arrive at the debriefing on time, but I don’t want to make the bossman mad because we arrive late,” Pyro stated, his eyes narrowed in anger.
He turned from them and Rogue reached down to give Bobby a hand. “I don’t have time to play baby-sitter,” Pyro muttered as he walked off.
Silence passed between the three as they continued. Rogue watched with sorrow as the two boys who had been best friends placed an invisible block of loathing between them. They entered a new room, and she noticed that the other members of the Brotherhood were present but Magneto was nowhere to be found. Pyro took a seat near the others. Rogue and Bobby sat as far away as possible from the others.
The door slid open and everyone turned to watch Magneto enter the room. Rogue was surprised the others hadn’t risen to attention upon his entrance. He took a seat at the head of the rectangular table and she instantly regretted sitting as far away from the others as she had. Any of them would have been better than sitting in such close proximity to Magneto.
His gaze caught hers and dropped to the gloves, irritation evident in his eyes. She placed her hands under the table, anxiety running through her. She had a feeling she was making the ‘bossman mad’. The screens on the wall at the other end of the table turned on and she looked towards them, noting that the others had also directed their attention that way.
Video from various news channels filled the screens, each showing a different scene. Her gaze went to the first screen, watching as the image cut from a Senate meeting to the Professor and Mr. Summers being dragged away to the MRA van. A reporter was in the bottom right corner of the screen, the words ‘Mutant Registration Act Passed’ in bold letters beneath him.
She bit her lip and looked at the next screen, a crowd waving posters advocating harm to mutants behind a police blockade, as mutants were herded into more MRA vans. It zoomed in on one of the signs depicting a hanging mutant, the words ‘A good mutant is a Dead mutant’ scrawled across it. Angry murmurs rose from the room and Rogue felt her jaw tighten in anger.
The last screen showed the mansion, lying in ruins, a team in white decontamination suits carrying bodies of her friends from the grounds. She gasped and closed her eyes as she saw Kitty’s face flash on the screen. Magneto’s hand slammed onto the table and she jumped back, eyes opening to look at him.
“Watch,” he instructed.
She forced herself to look back at the screen, grateful when she felt Bobby’s hand reach for hers under the table. They watched as they recognized more faces and she squeezed his hand, casting a quick glance at Pyro. There was no emotion in his face or body language, but his eyes told another story. She saw sorrow in them. The screens clicked off and they all turned to look at Magneto.
“You have all seen what the United States government is doing with mutants,” Magneto said, looking at each of them, his gaze staying on Bobby and Rogue a few seconds longer. “If it is allowed to continue, the world will use what they are doing as an example, and all mutants will be rounded up, locked up, treated as subservient. That is hardly what any of us are.”
“No one saw President Jameson having such an egregious policy towards homo superior. None of his campaign speeches showed this blatant hatred towards our kind, nor did any of our research into his past,” he continued.
Rogue recalled listening to the Professor, Mr. Summers and Ms. Monroe vigorously debate the presidential candidates. They had all been convinced that Jameson had no agenda involving mutants, that he meant to leave them alone to live their lives. How wrong they were, she thought trying to extract the images of Ms. Monroe’s body from her mind.
Magneto looked towards Mystique. “I need you back in Washington,” he informed her. “Find out all you can and relay it back here.”
She nodded and rose. “Blob will take you,” he said and they watched as the two mutants exited the room.
“The rest of you,” Magneto continued looking at all of them again. “We will need to expedite our training schedule so that when Mystique has the information we require we can act upon it.”
“And the two of you will quickly learn the procedures here,” he said, looking at Bobby and Rogue. “Or endure the consequences.”
Rogue tried not to squirm under the intense gaze he was directing at her. “Your names have already been added to the cooking and cleaning schedules in the kitchen. I suggest you look at them,” he advised them.
The two of them nodded. “Iceman, you are to accompany Pyro in his lesson today with Avalanche,” Magneto informed him. “I recommend you pay close attention.”
Pyro and Avalanche rose and Rogue watched as Bobby hesitantly did the same, looking down at her and then back up at Magneto. “What about Rogue?” he asked, taking a step closer to her.
The look Magneto directed his way caused Bobby to take a step back. “I suggest that you worry only about yourself at this moment, Iceman,” Magneto replied.
Rogue watched as Avalanche walked towards them and took hold of Bobby’s forearm, pulling him unceremoniously from the room. She wrung her hands nervously and looked towards Magneto, tensing as the door shut.
“Hands,” Magneto stated and she placed them on the table, not wanting to anger him further.
She watched as Magneto removed one glove and examined the tear. “Do you always destroy property that is not yours?” he asked his tone full of animosity.
“I…” Rogue said, her voice trailing off as he removed the other glove.
“You?” he questioned, resting the gloves on the table.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, wondering if that would be enough, though she doubted it. “I did wear the gloves,” she told him.
Magneto raised an eyebrow in response. “The metal was part of the gloves, Rogue,” he informed her. “And you do not have it anywhere on you.”
She shook her head, trembling slightly. “I did warn you,” he said rising from his chair.
Rogue sunk back in her chair as he stepped towards her, gripping the arms of it in fear. He stopped and looked at her, exasperation evident in his eyes. “I am not going to kill you,” Magneto stated and sighed when she didn’t relax.
His fingers drummed along the table, clearly perplexed with how to handle her blind terror. He watched her tense further and moved away from her, watching as she slowly relaxed. “Up,” he commanded, pleased when she rose quickly, though she was still shaking.
He motioned for her to follow him and proceeded out of the room. She gathered the gloves from the table and followed him out of the room. Placing them on her hands, she accompanied him down the hall, anxious about where he was taking her, convinced that it was to a new machine.
They walked up a set of stairs Rogue had not seen before and entered a new hallway. Magneto entered the first room and she walked in after him, jumping slightly as the door closed behind her. She looked around curiously at the room. It was a study, much like the Professor’s, with a desk and numerous bookshelves.
“You need to be punished for your insolence and you need to learn not to fear me. Being in my presence appears to be a suffice punishment for you and hopefully will allow you to see that I am not a monster,” Magneto stated as he sat down at the desk. “When I am finished here we will begin with your first lesson.”
She frowned, wondering what that would involve, doubting she would learn the same things she had at Xavier’s. He motioned to the bookcases. “I suggest you find some way to occupy your time, Rogue,” he told her. “You do not want to see what will happen if I am disturbed.”
Pairing: Bobby/Rogue, eventually Magneto/Rogue
Summary: When all she knows is destroyed, Rogue must learn to adapt or die trying.
Rating: T
Huge thanks to
sionnain for Beta-ing and to omaetoy for being around to bother with my insanity.“How can he do that?” Bobby whispered his voice tense.
Rogue cast a quick look towards him and shrugged. “I don’t know,” she replied, looking back at Mystique, who was walking only a few feet in front of them.
“We can’t stay here,” Bobby insisted. “He’s dangerous.”
“How are we going to leave?” Rogue asked, looking at him again. “We don’t even know where we are.”
“We can’t stay here,” Bobby repeated, shaking his head.
She looked away from him, sighing slightly, not seeing any other option they had but to stay. “If we manage to get out of wherever we are, where do you suggest we go?” she asked. “I know my family isn’t going to take us in. And I can’t see yours helping us out either.”
Silence fell between them and she quickly regretted her words. Bobby’s family was a sore subject, one that often sent him into small waves of depression. “Bobby, I’m sorry,” she told him, reaching her gloved hand out to comfort him.
“I’m fine,” he said, unconsciously moving away from her.
Rogue looked away from him, dropping her arms to her sides, trying not to feel bitter. My own boyfriend is unable to touch me without fear of being drained, but Magneto can do so at his leisure. She frowned and looked towards Mystique. My life sucks.
They entered a new hallway and Mystique stopped before a pair of doors. “Your rooms,” she informed them. “Iceman, yours is here. Rogue, yours is there.”
The two nodded. “For now, you’ll have to wear what we were able to scrounge together,” the older mutant continued.
Neither of them responded and Mystique raised an eyebrow. “It appears that not only was Xavier’s school unable to train you properly, they were unable to teach you manners as well,” she commented.
“Thanks,” the two of them muttered.
“I suggest you shower and change quickly,” Mystique informed them. “There will be a debriefing in thirty minutes.”
As she turned to leave, Rogue called out to her. “Where?”
“Pyro will be by to show you,” Mystique replied and left the two of them in the hallway.
Rogue and Bobby looked anxiously towards one another before stepping into their separate rooms. Neither of them was pleased with that information.
***
Exiting the shower, Rogue reached for the maroon towel and dried herself off. She wrapped it around herself and left the small bathroom, hissing at the cold metallic floor beneath her bare feet. So, you control metal. We get that, put in some carpets. She looked at the bed, taking note that her old clothes were gone. Sitting down on the bed, she touched the clothes she would be borrowing. A black wool sweater that was definitely too big for her and a pair of grey sweat pants that she suspected would be too long on her. She picked up the two pieces of clothing and bit her lip as a pair of socks fell down. That was all there was.
Hesitantly she stood, removed the towel from her body, and pulled on the sweatpants, rolling them over three times, grateful that they stopped sliding down and now rested snugly on her hips. She pulled the wool sweater on and tried to bunch up the sleeves, but after the third time they came undone, she gave up, slipping the socks on her feet instead. Sitting back down on the bed, she picked up the towel, and began to dry her hair with it before walking back to the bathroom and placing it on the rack to dry.
She turned to look in the mirror above the sink, one of her hands coming to touch a strand of her white hair, twirling it as she frowned. My constant reminder. She dropped her hands to grip the edge of the sink. Even the sink is made of metal.
Sighing, she exited the bathroom and yelped in surprise to see Magneto standing in her doorway. “I thought Pyro was coming to get us,” she said.
“He is,” Magneto replied and walked into the room, the doorway shutting with a loud click.
She watched him with cautious eyes, knowing she had no real defense against him, now that she knew he was unaffected by her power. Most of the room was made of metal besides the bedding, and she doubted throwing a pillow at him would have much effect. He stopped at the bed and placed a new pair of his gloves down on it.
“Rogue, there is no reason to fear me,” Magneto reiterated. “Have I done anything to make you suspect I mean to harm you?”
“The Statue of Liberty,” she started.
“Was a long time ago,” he interrupted. “You are fine.”
“No thanks to you,” she said, fists clenching at her sides.
“Oh?” he asked. “Where would you, Iceman, and the others be now if it hadn’t been for me?”
“And because you saved my life then, I should just forgive you for trying to kill me before,” Rogue asked with disbelief.
“A life for a life,” Magneto answered.
“You’re insane,” she said, shaking her head.
“Wear the gloves, Rogue,” he told her as the doors opened. Turning back, he gave her a piercing look. “You don’t want to see what happens if you disobey me, as insane as I am.”
She watched as the door clicked shut behind him. Bobby is right. He is dangerous.
***
Rogue hadn’t moved from her spot in the bathroom doorway since Magneto left. Her eyes were directed towards the pair of black gloves, his gloves. Gloves she knew had metal in them, which he could manipulate at his leisure. Carefully, she walked over to them, shaking her head at her apprehension. She sat on the bed and picked one of them up, inspecting them, trying to figure out where the metal was.
Ah ha! She ripped the bottom of the glove, pulling out the thin loop of metal. Picking up the other glove, she repeated the process and then put both of them on her hands. A wicked smile crossed her face as she looked at her hands. What am I going to do with these? She wondered, holding up the metal rings.
The door opened and she dropped her hands, smile vanishing. Pyro stood in the doorway, scowling at her. “Well, come on!” he demanded, though he didn’t have the air of authority that Magneto did.
Slowly, she stood and walked out of the room to join him in the hallway. “How are you doing, John?” Rogue asked.
“The name is Pyro,” he snapped and opened Bobby’s door. “Let’s go.”
Bobby exited the room, the same scowl on his face as his old friends. “How are you, Pyro?” she asked, emphasizing his name.
“Why do you care?” Pyro asked and started down the hallway.
“I was your friend once,” Rogue replied and looked over at Bobby. “We both were.”
“And you left us to die,” Bobby said, fists clenched as they walked. “Dr. Grey sacrificed her life to save us because you and your new friends took the helicopter.”
Rogue watched as Pyro’s steps faltered for a moment before he developed an aura of indifference around himself again. “You don’t even care, do you?” Bobby yelled, grabbing onto Pyro’s arm.
Pyro whirled around, knocking Bobby to the ground in a move reminiscent to something Rogue had seen Mystique use earlier. “You may not care if we arrive at the debriefing on time, but I don’t want to make the bossman mad because we arrive late,” Pyro stated, his eyes narrowed in anger.
He turned from them and Rogue reached down to give Bobby a hand. “I don’t have time to play baby-sitter,” Pyro muttered as he walked off.
Silence passed between the three as they continued. Rogue watched with sorrow as the two boys who had been best friends placed an invisible block of loathing between them. They entered a new room, and she noticed that the other members of the Brotherhood were present but Magneto was nowhere to be found. Pyro took a seat near the others. Rogue and Bobby sat as far away as possible from the others.
The door slid open and everyone turned to watch Magneto enter the room. Rogue was surprised the others hadn’t risen to attention upon his entrance. He took a seat at the head of the rectangular table and she instantly regretted sitting as far away from the others as she had. Any of them would have been better than sitting in such close proximity to Magneto.
His gaze caught hers and dropped to the gloves, irritation evident in his eyes. She placed her hands under the table, anxiety running through her. She had a feeling she was making the ‘bossman mad’. The screens on the wall at the other end of the table turned on and she looked towards them, noting that the others had also directed their attention that way.
Video from various news channels filled the screens, each showing a different scene. Her gaze went to the first screen, watching as the image cut from a Senate meeting to the Professor and Mr. Summers being dragged away to the MRA van. A reporter was in the bottom right corner of the screen, the words ‘Mutant Registration Act Passed’ in bold letters beneath him.
She bit her lip and looked at the next screen, a crowd waving posters advocating harm to mutants behind a police blockade, as mutants were herded into more MRA vans. It zoomed in on one of the signs depicting a hanging mutant, the words ‘A good mutant is a Dead mutant’ scrawled across it. Angry murmurs rose from the room and Rogue felt her jaw tighten in anger.
The last screen showed the mansion, lying in ruins, a team in white decontamination suits carrying bodies of her friends from the grounds. She gasped and closed her eyes as she saw Kitty’s face flash on the screen. Magneto’s hand slammed onto the table and she jumped back, eyes opening to look at him.
“Watch,” he instructed.
She forced herself to look back at the screen, grateful when she felt Bobby’s hand reach for hers under the table. They watched as they recognized more faces and she squeezed his hand, casting a quick glance at Pyro. There was no emotion in his face or body language, but his eyes told another story. She saw sorrow in them. The screens clicked off and they all turned to look at Magneto.
“You have all seen what the United States government is doing with mutants,” Magneto said, looking at each of them, his gaze staying on Bobby and Rogue a few seconds longer. “If it is allowed to continue, the world will use what they are doing as an example, and all mutants will be rounded up, locked up, treated as subservient. That is hardly what any of us are.”
“No one saw President Jameson having such an egregious policy towards homo superior. None of his campaign speeches showed this blatant hatred towards our kind, nor did any of our research into his past,” he continued.
Rogue recalled listening to the Professor, Mr. Summers and Ms. Monroe vigorously debate the presidential candidates. They had all been convinced that Jameson had no agenda involving mutants, that he meant to leave them alone to live their lives. How wrong they were, she thought trying to extract the images of Ms. Monroe’s body from her mind.
Magneto looked towards Mystique. “I need you back in Washington,” he informed her. “Find out all you can and relay it back here.”
She nodded and rose. “Blob will take you,” he said and they watched as the two mutants exited the room.
“The rest of you,” Magneto continued looking at all of them again. “We will need to expedite our training schedule so that when Mystique has the information we require we can act upon it.”
“And the two of you will quickly learn the procedures here,” he said, looking at Bobby and Rogue. “Or endure the consequences.”
Rogue tried not to squirm under the intense gaze he was directing at her. “Your names have already been added to the cooking and cleaning schedules in the kitchen. I suggest you look at them,” he advised them.
The two of them nodded. “Iceman, you are to accompany Pyro in his lesson today with Avalanche,” Magneto informed him. “I recommend you pay close attention.”
Pyro and Avalanche rose and Rogue watched as Bobby hesitantly did the same, looking down at her and then back up at Magneto. “What about Rogue?” he asked, taking a step closer to her.
The look Magneto directed his way caused Bobby to take a step back. “I suggest that you worry only about yourself at this moment, Iceman,” Magneto replied.
Rogue watched as Avalanche walked towards them and took hold of Bobby’s forearm, pulling him unceremoniously from the room. She wrung her hands nervously and looked towards Magneto, tensing as the door shut.
“Hands,” Magneto stated and she placed them on the table, not wanting to anger him further.
She watched as Magneto removed one glove and examined the tear. “Do you always destroy property that is not yours?” he asked his tone full of animosity.
“I…” Rogue said, her voice trailing off as he removed the other glove.
“You?” he questioned, resting the gloves on the table.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, wondering if that would be enough, though she doubted it. “I did wear the gloves,” she told him.
Magneto raised an eyebrow in response. “The metal was part of the gloves, Rogue,” he informed her. “And you do not have it anywhere on you.”
She shook her head, trembling slightly. “I did warn you,” he said rising from his chair.
Rogue sunk back in her chair as he stepped towards her, gripping the arms of it in fear. He stopped and looked at her, exasperation evident in his eyes. “I am not going to kill you,” Magneto stated and sighed when she didn’t relax.
His fingers drummed along the table, clearly perplexed with how to handle her blind terror. He watched her tense further and moved away from her, watching as she slowly relaxed. “Up,” he commanded, pleased when she rose quickly, though she was still shaking.
He motioned for her to follow him and proceeded out of the room. She gathered the gloves from the table and followed him out of the room. Placing them on her hands, she accompanied him down the hall, anxious about where he was taking her, convinced that it was to a new machine.
They walked up a set of stairs Rogue had not seen before and entered a new hallway. Magneto entered the first room and she walked in after him, jumping slightly as the door closed behind her. She looked around curiously at the room. It was a study, much like the Professor’s, with a desk and numerous bookshelves.
“You need to be punished for your insolence and you need to learn not to fear me. Being in my presence appears to be a suffice punishment for you and hopefully will allow you to see that I am not a monster,” Magneto stated as he sat down at the desk. “When I am finished here we will begin with your first lesson.”
She frowned, wondering what that would involve, doubting she would learn the same things she had at Xavier’s. He motioned to the bookcases. “I suggest you find some way to occupy your time, Rogue,” he told her. “You do not want to see what will happen if I am disturbed.”